Mea Cupa

"What I've Done"

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done
-Linkin Park


I've been trying to seek forgiveness for the things I've done. It's very hard for me to relate what they are, suffice it to say at one point in time I let my greatest fear come true, willingly and knowingly. The nightmare became reality. I knew exactly what was going to happen, and how it ALL would end. Being the master of my own fate, I stepped in and changed my future. I still cannot say whether my decision was the right one. For the path now before me lies broken, unused, possibly never tread before.

Since my return I have recovered very little from sustained injuries, fallen for a girl who seems incapable of love, started school again and been strong in it(which hasn't happened since my sophomore year of high school), slept very little(its 0055 and I'm as wide awake as can be), realized a few things about myself and more importantly certain truths about some of my friends, or ones that I thought were friends, discovering how deep some feelings for a girl truly run, and how hard it is just to truly 100% forgive one's self for mistakes made.

Guess the first step to forgiveness is admitting you made a mistake, or is it acknowledging the guilt the mistake brought? either way those are right up on top I believe. next is correcting the mistake. then never committing it again.
Me? I'm stuck on the third one there...

You're probably wonder what my greatest fear is right now. Well I'll say this, you'll never guess it, but you're welcome to try...